Thursday 26 January 2023

SAINTS PRESERVE US


Yesterday’s Papers


Early last autumn I wrote about a western Canadian grocery banner ceasing the physical publication of its weekly flyer. I predicted its competitors would quickly follow suit. This came to pass. Since then, ripples from that decision have widened. Postmedia last week announced that 12 Alberta community newspapers would continue to publish as mere digital-only shadows of themselves.


The critical casualty is Fort McMurray Today. From wildfires to carbon emissions to energy sector profits, the city is the symbolic focal point for those debating the level of existential threat climate change poses to Albertans’ way of life. The newspaper’s editorial voice needs to be heard by as many people as possible.


If a free and impartial press is a pillar of democracy, then advertising is its plinth. Readers living in major markets will have noticed their dailies are awfully skimpy these days and that much of the content is generic enough to have been published anywhere. Kijiji killed the classifieds, and Google and Meta slew the display ads. Until very recently, established papers provided a reliable mode of distribution for major retailers’ colourful inserts: appliances, automotive, fashion, furniture, grocery, hardware and so on and so forth, et cetera.


The Cold Lake Sun and the Cochrane Times may seem like insignificant publications, wraps for advertising inserts, but their content provides the common ground for cafĂ© conversations. Their staffs know their towns. Should any of those people have larger ambitions for careers in the industry they’d present as candidates versed in the fundamentals of composition, design, reporting, editing and photography.


Digitization as a cost cutting measure allows a chain like Postmedia to do less with less, less local journalism with less people. The Edmonton Journal has stopped publishing a paper edition on Mondays. I have read marketing press releases reprinted verbatim. The sports department or what’s left of it ignores university athletics and West Coast League baseball. Arts performances may or may not be reviewed. While a beat writer covers the provincial legislature and city hall, there is no dedicated political columnist; Edmonton’s businesses are similarly neglected. Postmedia also owns the Edmonton Sun, once the Journal’s arch-rival. Their newsrooms have since been combined; naturally there were redundancies.


The Journal, established in 1903 and (somewhat ironically) a fine newspaper prior to the onset of the Information Age, is disengaged from its market, its readership. A particularly irksome example of this was a few columns of fluff, tips for winterizing one’s yard and garden generated by Postmedia’s generic content churn facility in Hamilton, Ontario. The piece ran during the third week of November. In Edmonton. Hello?


This is the state of affairs at the newspaper of record in Alberta’s capital city. Even the less expensive digital subscription option isn’t worth paying for. It’s difficult to imagine too Cochrane’s biggest civic booster even bothering to access the Times whether the site is free or otherwise. That poor little community newspaper now competes with the entire internet for eyeballs. And this distorted and wired version of reality has proven problematic for every news gatherer. In times like these plain facts objectively presented are often perceived as lies and covert manipulation.


And there’s something off-putting about digitized text. Perhaps it’s aesthetics or the lack thereof. Readers become scanners. Engagement, comprehension and retention necessarily suffer. Proper journalism has been hollowed out. Social media thrives like a parasite in the holes it has bored. Its style book demands brevity, simplistic memes, and hysterically pithy turds of misinformation!! Critical thought need not apply. The pandemic served to magnify the already yawning gap between the actual and virtual worlds.


Covid was the story of a lifetime and, much like the virus itself, the narrative and coverage kept evolving. Some fine reporting was done. The legacy media – a dismissive term for traditional news organizations coined by self-styled libertarians and conspiracy-minded dupes- covered every conceivable angle: scientific, medical, political, social and economic. A study published today by a Canadian non-profit organization as detailed in this morning’s Globe and Mail estimates misinformation and vaccine paranoia cost this country’s health care system $300-million, 200,000 covid cases, 13,000 hospital admissions and 3,500 ICU stays could’ve been avoided; preventable and therefore pointless deaths number in the thousands.


(Coincidentally, Alberta’s premier, the Banshee of Invermectin, has just commissioned a commission to investigate and expose the tyranny of the various public health measures imposed during covid’s height.)


Truth used to be such a simple matter, black and white and read all over. And it’s always been the main foundation of advertising.


meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of media commentary since 2013. The novella Of Course You Did is my latest book. Visit www.megeoff.com for links to purchase it in your preferred format from various retailers

Monday 16 January 2023

NONSENSE VERSE


My Sovereign Premier


Mother of God, my dear Danielle

May I say, just what the hell


Seven grand souls from The Hat

Gifted you your big chief’s cap


Personality, pundit, lobbyist

Rural restaurant hobbyist


How is it your podcast views

Echo those of Rebel News


Using language so imprecise

Did you flunk high school twice


Off the rails, full backtrack

Another false fact to retract


More misinformation to clarify

Or misspeak instead of lie


But everything you say at first

Truly reflects your very worst


meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of excruciatingly bad poetry since 2013. The novella Of Course You Did is my latest book. Visit www.megeoff.com for links to purchase it in your preferred format from various retailers.

Sunday 8 January 2023

SAINTS PRESERVE US


Royals Shocker: Will and Kate Made Me Wear Nazi Uniform!


Oh, spare me.


Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, self-exiled Royal, is media shy. The British, indeed global, media has made his 38 years on Earth as an accidental celebrity a living hell. He has complained about this on an Oprah special, for six hours on Netflix and in promotional interviews for his just published memoir Spare. Luckily, he’s able to tell the world that he just wants to be left alone. You see, he’s just like you and me except for his dysfunctional, racist family whose evil minions continually hatch nefarious plots against him. Fortunately for him, palace intrigue these days is more Hello! than Macbeth.


Apparently, his brother William, Duke of Cambridge, Prince of Wales and heir to the throne currently sat upon by their father King Charles III, knocked him over during an argument and tore his necklace! His big brother also encouraged him to wear a Nazi uniform to a dress-up party; he had planned to attend as an air force pilot. Harry maintains he has a mind of his own; after all he didn’t need his brother’s urging to visit a psychic for a chat with mummy.


I embrace living in Canada’s inherited form of democracy, a constitutional monarchy. I believe that subtle distinction between the permanence of the state and its government of the day is an important one. My view necessitates accepting the Royal Family as a legitimate institution, albeit a modern one, built to serve. I’m aware too that the House of Windsor did not achieve its lofty status in Great Britain and the Commonwealth because God willed it. And I’m painfully aware that due to the nature of royal alliances in earlier ages, some of the family’s genes feature dotted T’s and crossed I’s.


People whose careers coincide with their passions are lucky indeed. Too many of us suck it up and tough it out, always hoping circumstances may change. Harry’s grandmother had Roman numerals thrust upon her. Of course, Queen of England etc etc doesn’t really register on the “Things Could Always Be Worse” scale of job satisfaction. Still, by all accounts Elizabeth II made a concentrated and concerted effort to do the very best she could in her role. If there’s one quality Harry could’ve learned at his grandmother’s knee, it’s dignity. Perhaps he’s as thick as Uncle Andrew.


Another excerpt from Harry’s memoir reveals his ten years in the British military to be the happiest days of his life. He killed 25 Taliban insurgents during his two tours of Afghanistan. I wish he’d killed 50. I bet every woman in the world wishes he’d killed ‘em all. My impression here is of a guy in an important service job; he loves it and he’s good at it. This guy doesn’t jibe with the one moaning about a torn necklace. This guy doesn’t jibe with the one who trademarked “Royal Sussex” to sell all manner of shit over the internet.


So the family firm held no appeal. Harry had the obvious option of a discreet, meaningful and dignified life in uniform. And better yet, they’re not just plain khaki anymore, they come in camouflage now. All in all a more attractive career than that of a whiny toff, a magnet for popular contempt. He’s certainly demonstrated an ability to walk away. If only Harry would keep on walking and keep quiet while the rest of us get on with our more mundane realities. Go on, beat it, get outta here.      


meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of breathless Royals coverage since 2013. The novella Of Course You Did is my latest book. Visit www.megeoff.com for links to purchase it in your preferred format from various retailers.