SAINTS PRESERVE US

Am Here, Buying the T-shirt

A visitor to Canada, provided they’re allowed in and once they’re out of quarantine, may be forgiven for believing Prime Minister Trudeau’s given name is “Fucking.” Outrage is pandemic coast to coast to coast. From the oil patch to lobster traps, from pipeline protests to reconciliation demonstrations, our elected leader has become a lightning rod for chronic, agitated dissent. But, hey, Mister Trudeau wanted the fucking job.

In order to cash in on the times, meGeoff is launching its first line of official merchandise. There’s money in merch. Loyal readers may now order the official Universal Canadian Political Dog-whistle Tee (UCPDT)! One size fits all provincial ideologies, personal picayunes and passions. Had a slight? Got a gripe? Make it right with the meGeoff UCPDT!

These exclusive t-shirts are branded by a Canadian enterprise though stitched together in an offshore factory. The fabric is something soft and cotton-like, non-uninflammable and meant to be well-worn. The trendy colour is a sort of distressed, cardiac arrest, exploding blood pressure facial pink. The bold sans serif slogan, silk screened onto the chest in white, alludes admiringly to Sophie Gregoire, Prime Minister Trudeau’s wife who courageously survived her own struggle with the covid-19 virus: SOPHIE IS –

Order now! And then revel in amazement as your fellow Canadians happily fill in the blanks. It’s not a cryptic crossword, no sudoku grid. Walk proud, walk angry, assign blame and point fingers whilst sporting your meGeoff UCPDT! We are one. If only we could connect the dots.   

           

meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of commercial exploitation since 2013. Don’t sign up for e-mail alerts from the Crooked 9, stay safe.