Friday, 27 May 2016


The Edgar Allan Poe Gardening Companion

Yesterday I dug a round hole wholly
And that’s the truth, not hyperbole

I planted a tree, yes indeed a muckle plum
Pretty pink shade from the hot prairie sun

I dug a foot deep before my spade hit clay
Compacted stuff that just won’t give way

And what of the body downstairs in the freezer
That murdered and petrified frozen geezer

A dear, dear old friend let me down
And so I slit his throat into a frown

Dave tried to stab me in the back
Me, I chose a much more lethal tack

Dismemberment seems the way to go
I can bury his parts hither and fro

I’ll dig six small shallow graves
For those butchered pieces of Dave’s

A pit for his head and one for his torso
Four more holes for his other limbs also

And what of the cats, Mungo and Scamp
Will they litter box the soil I tamp

A note to self re. Home Depot
Buy more grass seed and Miracle-Gro

Perhaps I’ll mulch his corpse in the copse
Surrounded by my Zen garden rocks

Or Dave can bloat in the water feature
Chewed upon by a nocturnal creature

Dave, Dave, welcome to Eden
Perhaps I’ll plant you ‘neath the sedum


  1. Is this the first edition published by "A Belgravian"?

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. You mean it was actually written by Edgar Allan Hoe?