CORRESPONDENCE: DEAR meGEOFF

A Letter from Tony to the Edmontonian

Erratic, irregular and itinerant meGeoff roving correspondent Tony Intas checks in from the Sunshine State. American idolatry, or is the Second Coming just a statue with limitations?

There is the statue I would like to display it in the front yard of my beach house in Florida. It is a 7-foot (2.13 metres) Jesus. I am thinking that it would be a wonderful way to welcome people to the house. And as the house is near the town’s corporate limits, it could also greet people visiting the area: “Jesus welcomes you to Flagler Beach…” I believe this is a very good idea.

My friends, who share ownership of the house with me, do not agree. They want me to take it back to Montreal when I leave at the end of March. I said, "What about if I put it in my bedroom when I am not here?” They said no. I said, "What about if I put it in the outdoor shower when I am not here - you cleanse your body while Jesus cleanses your soul?” They did not like that idea either. Even though I believe Jesus to be a loving and caring God, I suggested that might the statue might scare away the deer who come and eat all of the flowers in the front yard; kind of like a scarecrow Jesus. They still said no.

Even though my friends go to church every Sunday, I am beginning to think that they do not like Jesus. I hope that is not true and that they are just worried about what the neighbours would think. Also, perhaps we would be in violation of some city bylaw or ordinance.

I measured the trunk of my car and the statue will not fit. Perhaps it would be disrespectful to put the statue there; kind of like a kidnapped Jesus. I could put the statue in the passenger seat of my car, but I would have to have the sun roof open all of the time, kind of like a Stanley Cup parade Jesus. What if it rains? I am sure the highway patrol would want to talk to me many times during the course of my trip back to Montreal. They would want to know why I am driving around with a 7-foot (2.13 metres) statue of Jesus in my car. I would then have to explain each time I was stopped. Also, I am sure I would be asked many questions about the statue when I arrived at Canada Customs and Immigration. Finally, I would then have to go through the same process all over again next year when I drive back to the beach house next fall, being stopped at the American border and then again and again by the highway patrol.

Even though I think it is a good idea, I will not get the statue for the beach house. It weighs over 1,000 lbs (454 kg) and I was told by the owner that it requires six people to move it. It would probably exceed the weight limit for my car and would damage the car’s suspension.

I can probably go visit the statue anytime I want. That is assuming that the statue is not sold or the new owner does not take it very far away.

My friends gave me a 5-inch (12.7 cm) statue of Jesus for my birthday. I really like it because I can take the statue any place I go without any problem. At the beach house, I put the statue next to the wooden turtle I gave my friend for his milestone birthday two years ago and the coconut that I mailed his wife from Molokai, HI for her milestone birthday. I think the turtle, the coconut and the statue are becoming friends.

AMDG

Readers of this blog who find themselves in places where they don’t normally find themselves, actual or otherwise, are encouraged to write meGeoff a letter detailing their experiences and impressions. Get in touch with me. I’m on Facebook.