SAINTS PRESERVE US

The Self-importance of Being Edward

I love dynastic dirty laundry, the soiling of the elite. They’re just like us! Sort of.

Rogers Communications rivals Air Canada as one of Canada’s most hated companies. Yet both are as essential in this country as regular dental appointments and FIT tests. Rogers delivers wireless and media. Air Canada (a former Crown corporation) delivers passengers. Their respective business models work – most of the time. Both companies are public, and are notorious for their misleading messaging because they’re big enough to over-promise and under-deliver, and shrug.

Since the death of company founder Ted in 2008, it seems the Rogers family is coming apart at the genes. Son Edward these past couple of weeks has stared down his mother Loretta on Toronto’s Ted Rogers Way; and his sisters Martha and Melinda too. It’s Canadian Shakespearean, cell phones instead of daggers, eh? The 5G realm must be subjugated. Competitors Bell and Telus lurk in Birnam Wood or perhaps beneath the Gardiner Expressway.

I do not pay a single cent for any Rogers service. I do keep half an eye on one of its neglected assets, the Blue Jays baseball club, and that’s only because the Montreal Expos are no longer with us. My investment portfolio includes shares in Rogers, but unlike those family members who hold almost all the voting class A shares in trust, I’m not a player. I check the standings from time to time.

I read a lot. In my experience business books tend to be as interesting as human resources questionnaires. They’re rife with platitudes lifted from a Nike ad campaign and sprinkled with paraphrased passages from The Prince and The Art of War. There’s usually a dollop of Ayn Rand on top. If I’ve read three or four in my time, I wonder if Edward Rogers has read even one.

There must be volumes on how to stage a corporate coup out there in bookstore land. Should you be plotting to regain control of your family company’s board of directors against your family’s wishes by ousting its current CEO without due process, it’s probably wise not to ass-call your intended victim during the planning session; just a thought. And the last thing you need to hear is your two sisters telling you, “Mom’s going to kill you when she finds out.”

I’m compelled to surmise that Edward the Usurper’s leak was abetted by a Rogers product malfunction compounded by user error. God, I hope so. And now I’m praying for that day when Air Canada’s CEO is turned away at the departure gate because his airline overbooked his flight.                 

meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of business analysis since 2013. My novella Of Course You Did is available. Visit www.megeoff.com to find your preferred format and retailer.