SAINTS PRESERVE US

A Knotty Cross

My favourite dark adage: A friend will help you move; a good friend will help you move a body. But there’s an ethical corollary: A murderer who is a good friend should not even consider imposing that moral dilemma upon his good friend. And then there’s that old saw: If you want something done right, do it yourself. This, my friends, is the world’s best selling book in a nutcase shell.

Monotheism is not much different from pantheism: All the seasonal rites and ceremonies, every basic human emotion, love, hate, fear, anger, jealousy, bundled into a convenient all-inclusive - one supreme being rather than many. But some old rituals are so hard to shed. Abraham had a hell of a time of it. Because the precept for Christianity stems from his god, the entire Bible can be abridged to one scene.

God said, “Abraham, prove to me that you love me only and no other: kill your son.”

Abraham replied, “Gee, that’s a big ask. I’ve never presumed to be an expert in contract law, but I assumed we had an implied covenant to progress past such puerile petulance? I mean, it's all a bit primitive.”

God said, “Hmm. Oh, never mind. I’ll do it myself about 500 pages from now.”

Happy Easter.     

meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of theological discourse since 2013. My novella Of Course You Did is coming soon. Sign up for e-mail alerts from the Crooked 9, use that thingy on the right.