SAINTS PRESERVE US

Just Another Day in the End Days

The New York Times Sunday revealed that a certain self-proclaimed billionaire and “very stable genius” has paid out more in hush money to a porn actress than he has in income taxes to his nation’s Internal Revenue Service (IRS). This researched and documented “fake news” will not of course sway the loyalty of der Trumpenfuhrer’s constituency of armed white supremacists and morbidly obese Wal-mart women who can only fantasize about being groped by a pudgy orange paw.

I try not to turn my attention south too often because I’m embarrassed for the United States of America. Mortified. Besides, we Canadians face challenges up here in the cool blue north. Last week’s Throne Speech had as much depth as a government public service announcement in a newspaper: “Wash your hands!” Times are hard in most sectors of the economy and our first covid-19 winter in a winter country always beset by flu season is sliding at speed like an avalanche in the Rockies. I am afraid of heights but sometimes I find myself compulsively compelled to look down on Canada’s major ally. All I see is actor Nicholas Cage in midair slow motion yelling, “Noooo!” Too late the hero.

Covid-19 has killed one million people, 200,000 of whom were Americans. The rose red blood of incompetence drenches the green lawns of the White House grounds. Not a surprise on the watch of a commander-in-chief who believes wind turbines cause cancer, forests should be raked like golf courses and ingesting bleach is a good idea.

Der Trumpenfuhrer also believes November’s presidential election is already “rigged” in favour of the Democrats, the QAnon fix is in. Ironically, it is traditionally the Republicans who gerrymander electoral districts and enact policies intended to make voting as arduous a Constitutional right to exercise as possible. Still, the odious and vulgar incumbent has refused to commit to the sacred democratic convention of a peaceful transition of power should he be defeated. Grace and good manners are for losers.

Renowned French author Victor Hugo wrote, “Let us study things that are no more. It is necessary to understand them, if only to avoid them.” The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is Washington’s newest cabinet. Established in 2003 in the wake of 9/11, its remit was a panicky, knee-jerk grab bag of duties already seen to by more established and expert federal agencies such as the FBI and the CIA. Think “mayochup” on the grocery shelf between jars of mayonnaise and bottles of ketchup. In Canada, we say, “Qu’est-ce que fuck?” No agent in the DHS new model army could’ve imagined they’d be deployed as White House paramilitary shock troops to both quell and incite civil unrest. The historical parallels here are both ugly and obvious. 

My hunch is that the American people will not choose their next leader in November. My hunch is that a certain dodgy casino owner is betting the West Wing on a hastily and righteously stacked Supreme Court. And I wonder who fronted him the money for the chips he’s playing with. Casinos are lovely places for laundering cash should one’s operating funds be provided by a sleazy oligarchy whose client vetting process isn’t quite as thorough as a legitimate bank’s. This plague on America demands eradication. Will the magic bullet come from Pfizer or Remington?

             

meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of end of empire observations since 2013. Sign up for e-mail alerts from the Crooked 9, use that thingy on the right. It’s safe to emerge from isolation now, honest. Everything’s copasetic.