NONSENSE VERSE

Before You Accuse Me

You whinge, you whine, you’re so hard done by

So I’m setting down some verse to make you sigh

Shove your precious litany of companion animal peeves

I don’t care a whit for your self-diagnostic special needs

Sitting with your steaming non-recyclable Starbucks latte cup

Hectoring, lecturing, stroking your mangy emotional support pup

Schadenfreude, flight shaming and windy green electricity

Pit mined lithium for your mood and iPhone battery

Behind an angry cloak of self-righteous hypocrisy

You spout misquoted Marx on media socially

Your dream is a politically correct authoritarian state

With free wi-fi and plant-based steak on every plate

As lost and committed as an ISIS caliphate flunkie

You’re a humourless online hashtag meme junkie

Perfect pedantic pedagogue, ideologue enlightened and woke

Haloed and holy as the Right: your ivory tower’s standing joke

Yet you sleep where you were born and assail your guilty parents

Boomers mussed the planet’s sheets while finishing the basement

I’m a colonial oppressor and so my remarks are grossly unfair

Insensitive and privileged, but unlike you, I’m self-aware

meGeoff has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of really bad poetry since 2013. Sign up for e-mail alerts from the Crooked 9.