SAINTS PRESERVE US

Catch a Wave, Surf a Trend

Perhaps you recall that 90s marketing trend when everything on the shelf had to be clear: beer, cola, dish soap… That transparently insidious scheme went down the drain because consumers were more weirded out than intrigued by the unsubtle suggestion of processed purity. And dear me, it’s best not to speculate about what Kraft’s product research and development team was seriously contemplating synthesizing as see-through.

One of the great philosophical questions of human existence, right up there with the free will debate, is our role as the dominant species on the planet. Are we a part of nature or above it? Centuries of reasoned contemplation have of late been dumbed down, the age-old dilemma deked by treating pets as flesh and blood - family, while we also attempt to engineer our delicate extraction from atop the food chain because eating not only requires table manners now but an enlightened morality.

 The latest trend is alternative protein, ersatz meat promoted as plant-based. Traditional meat packers are retooling. Not-meat pie-in-the-sky stock offerings are being issued. Fast food chains are hawking bloodless substitutes in sandwiches and on pizzas. These sniffy new ethics aren’t torture so much as not-tourtiere. Ironically, this modern marketing phenomenon of plant-based consumables might have legs, be sustainable.

Confirmation comes from a reliable though unlikely source. Last week’s Economist reported that illicit drug manufacturers in Afghanistan are now producing plant-based methamphetamine. Hashish and heroin are so old school. The magic in meth is something seductive called pseudoephedrine. It’s the stuff that makes asthma inhalers and cough medicines effective. It’s also a key ingredient for rogue chemists who believe crack isn’t the be all and end all, too expensive and just not addictive enough; consequently various authorities try to control the availability of the drug. Pseudoephedrine occurs naturally in the leaves of ephedra bushes, a plant particularly suited to thrive in the high altitude of Afghanistan’s western desert. So far the new plant-based meth method has been nothing but economic blue skies for a black market. Manufacturing costs have been halved and farmers have profited as the price of their ephedra crops has tripled.

An organized crime ring isn’t any different from a legitimate private or public firm. The syndicate will have an org chart denoting the executive and employees. There is no escaping accountants or lawyers. A reliable supply chain and shipping product to market are universal logistical challenges whatever the shade of the economic endeavor. Industry trends, innovations and potential efficiencies are worthy of study; quality control, and prices set with what the market will bear whilst keeping under-cutting competitors in mind are crucial. Dons and warlords are not media buyers and so the traditional advertising metric of gross ratings points (GRPs) is meaningless. Still, there is always the avenue of word-of-mouth or “buzz” in ad jargon.        

     

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