A meGEOFF EXCLUSIVE!

Inside the Tragic Death of the Great Pumpkin

“Aw, God,” Lucy van Pelt says. She stubs out her fifth Marlboro Gold. Her hardpack of 20 won’t last an hour. She is rueful, full of regret. It’s not yet noon. Lucy peers around the dim, shabby barroom, taking everything in except the visage of her ex-husband Charlie Brown. They’ve been estranged for years, but their relationship seems as fraught as the subject of the discussion: the Great Pumpkin.

Charlie sighs. “I feel responsible somehow.”

“It wasn’t just you,” Lucy says. “It was everything. When did the Halloween special come out, ’66? All its scenes were cut. Like Kevin Costner’s in The Big Chill. I counselled Pumpkin for years. I tried interventions. I tried everything. There was no talking to it.” Her plucked and bladed eyebrows arch. “I had my own problems to deal with.”

Charlie sighs again and shrugs. He’s looking everywhere else too. He says, “The whole thing, it probably wrecked our marriage.” He adds, “What do you have to do to get another drink around here?”

“Ditto, balloon head.” Lucy sneers as she fires up another lung dart.

The Great Pumpkin was found fatally blue in the toilet of a legendary Hollywood motel on this exact date three decades ago. The Los Angeles County coroner’s report confirmed an overdose of cocaine and heroin, a “speedball” in hardcore street parlance. And the Tropicana on Santa Monica Boulevard was hardcore before its demolition: home to vagrants, touring rock stars and Tom Waits. Sandy Koufax, the Baseball Hall of Fame Los Angeles Dodgers ace was its owner.

“I lived down the hall from Pumpkin at the time,” Waits recalls. “I crashed there for about six months. Good for my image. Very bad influences. It was a very jazzy place, more Charlie Parker – smack and whiskey – than Vince Guaraldi. I never saw Pumpkin. It was like the elephant in the room, like clinical depression. Peppermint Patty was always hanging around though. Some other girl too. Marcie? Maybe she had red hair. Trashed. Wasted. They were mules, groupies. Bringing stuff in. What do I know, no Polaroid memories. Me, I just fake it; watch, it’s an act, always has been. Pumpkin was the real deal. And Schroeder was always there too; I do recall that little toy boy, always up for a jam session with me. Knocking on my door, which was always open by the way.”

Linus van Pelt, alone in his luxurious Century City condominium sits guru-like, cross-legged on the floor on a tattered blanket. "The Trop was close to the animation studio. Pumpkin moved in there just to be close by. Standing by, so to speak. Poor bastard waited for a call that never came. I sensed it wouldn't end well. It was a crazy scene. The whole thing, it makes me very sad."

“I was Billy Joel’s ‘Piano Man’,” Schroeder insists over the line from his permanent residence at the Betty Ford Centre in Palm Desert, a mountain range away from the Tropicana’s infamous and notorious sleaze. “I really was. But when Tom wrote ‘The Piano Has Been Drinking’ about me, I realized I had a problem. Pumpkin was into way harder stuff. It was happy to share. I remember Lucy tried to help us but to no avail. And Pumpkin told Linus to ‘fuck off and die’ straight to his face, that poor fragile kid. I remember that; I was there. Can you imagine? Pumpkin's biggest disciple, apostle, fan or whatever.”

“I was the sort of de facto leader of the Peanuts gang,” Charlie says. He sighs heavily. “So, yeah, when I found out the greatest baseball pitcher of all time owned a Hollywood motel, of course I wanted to hang out there. I mean, that’s just what you’d want to do, right? I was working on my curve and slider. The team had to get better. I had to get better. But Sandy was never there. He was like the Great Pumpkin in that way. Good grief, it was all very frustrating.”

“Like kicking a football, Charlie Brown!”

“Not my best sport,” he tells Lucy.

When Lucy laughs, she emits a lovely, wet chesty sound, at once crapulent and captivating. She clears her throat. “Pumpkin was more insecure than the bane of my life sitting across the table here,” Lucy says as she points to Charlie. “All Pumpkin needed was a cameo in It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown or maybe just one panel in the newspaper.” Lucy continues, “Charlie always had creative control, so Spike, Franklin, whoever, whatever, got their moments. But not Pumpkin. It’s Charlie Brown’s fault. It’s all his fucking fault. Fucking Snoopy got all the ink. Nothing left for Pumpkin! Snoopy! Snoopy! Snoopy!”

“That’s not true!” Charlie Brown slams the table, his fist clenched. He sighs. He grimaces. “We actually had that fleabag put down before we got married. They’re hard on furniture, hardwood floors especially. They shed. You wouldn't believe the vet bills.”

Lucy places her hand over Charlie’s. She says, “It was a long time ago. Best forgotten. Wounds have healed.” Lucy smiles. "You really should treat yourself to a new t-shirt."

Charlie Brown agrees ever so gently, ever so reluctantly with Lucy van Pelt. There is a softness in his voice. “Everything was a long time ago,” he affirms. “We can’t change it, not the Great Pumpkin's fate, not anything. We were all, in our own way, casualties.” Charlie's head droops. The great bald orb weighs heavier than usual. He sighs. "I mean, good grief, those were the times. And fuck Charles M. I never wanted any of this. I don't think any of us did."                                    

Dispatches from the Crooked 9 has been your most unreliable, unbalanced and inaccurate alternative source of everything since 2013. My companion site www.megeoff.com is a little dusty, but up to date. New fiction coming in 2025.