Wednesday, 10 September 2014



Apple!? My i!


Apple Inc. yesterday announced the arrival of two new products whose names do not include a lower case i. Reverberations from the Cupertino, CA media event were felt as far away as Edmonton, AB. Are Apple Pay and Apple Watches the death knell, the final fatal tolling of the bell for meGeoff? Industry analysts concur: it’s too early to tell, although one insider revealed that iTeeth were gnashed.


Apple Pay is particularly sky breaking. It works exactly like the cash, debit card and credit card you already carry in your wallet except that it’s digital. This means that all of your important financial information may be safely and securely stored on Apple’s iCloud.


Proposed product names including uPay and iPay did not pass the first marketing brainstorm meeting. However the bite out of Apple Inc.’s logo was thought to be indicative when combined with the word pay – ironic given the corporation’s world class tax avoidance schemes.


The Apple Watch will tell you what time it is while getting to know your body although the biblical sense is still a few years away. Perhaps it will flag a heart attack if you keep ignoring the constriction in your chest and the agonizing pains shooting down your left arm. It will come in many fashionable colours and the wristbands will be interchangeable.


Neither Apple Pay nor the Apple Watch will work without the iPhone 6. This new device is slimmer than previous incarnations and will boast a slightly larger screen. Me? I prefer my Perez Hilton gossip and grumpy cat videos in Cinemascope, or at least on an iPad.


The other big news Tuesday from Cupertino was Irish rock band U2 launching their new album on iTunes. ‘Songs of Innocence’ is a gift to the world from Apple, a no charge download. Ireland of course is a notable off-shore tax haven and a particular favourite of Apple Inc.’s.

Finally, eBay has just announced that the vowels a and o have put themselves up for auction as e, i and u have strutted their digital fonts for a generation at least. Sources indicate y is hedging.

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